I used to think quitting was just a bad habit. I’d start something, hit a wall, and walk away. Too much criticism made me shut down. If I couldn’t do something perfectly, why even try?

Lately, I’ve been trying to quit quitting. Pushing through, finishing things, proving to myself that I can follow through. And then, sometimes, a single dismissive comment knocks me right back down the ladder.

A few days ago, I wrote about the time a dentist stabbed me in the face. (Yeah, really.) But the post wasn’t just about that. It was about how ADHD avoidance, executive dysfunction, and a cycle of self-doubt can turn small problems into long-term disasters.

Then, someone left this comment:

> “That just sounds like a fear of the dentist. Way more common than you think.”

And just like that, the entire point of what I said was dismissed.

Dismissive Parenting: The Subtle Art of Making Someone Feel Small

Dismissive parenting isn’t just ignoring your child. It’s minimizing, rationalizing, or waving off their feelings instead of validating them. It sounds like:

✅ “You’re overreacting.”
✅ “It’s not that bad.”
✅ “You’re just making excuses.”

At first glance, these might seem harmless—maybe even good advice from someone who thinks they’re being helpful. But for kids with ADHD, rejection sensitivity, and emotional regulation struggles, these words don’t toughen us up. They teach us to ignore our own emotions.

The Research: How Dismissal Affects ADHD Brains

There’s a reason these comments hit so hard. Studies show that dismissive parenting and emotional invalidation make ADHD symptoms harder to manage. They don’t cause ADHD, but they make self-doubt, avoidance, and emotional dysregulation significantly worse.

📌 A meta-analysis of 59 studies found that negative parenting styles, like dismissal and criticism, directly worsen ADHD symptoms, especially impulsivity, anxiety, and emotional regulation. (Springer, 2021)

📌 Another study found that parental criticism and rejection strongly predict higher levels of inattention, anxiety, and emotional dysregulation in ADHD kids. (MDPI, 2020)

📌 According to CHADD (Children and Adults with ADHD), ADHD is hereditary, not caused by parenting, but dismissive or critical parenting increases avoidance behaviors and long-term emotional struggles.

For kids who already deal with rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD)—which makes even mild criticism feel overwhelming—a dismissive comment isn’t just annoying. It feels like proof that we’re broken.

When That Follows You Into Adulthood

Dismissive parenting doesn’t just disappear when you grow up. If you spent years hearing:

🛑 “You’re too sensitive.”
🛑 “You just have to try harder.”
🛑 “It’s not that big of a deal.”

…then eventually, you start saying it to yourself.

You downplay your struggles before anyone else can. You second-guess your own emotions. You quit before you can fail.

And then, when you finally push past that—when you finally start making progress—someone shrugs it off with:

“That happens to everyone.”
“You’re just overthinking it.”
“It’s not that deep.”

And suddenly, you’re right back where you started.

Breaking the Cycle Without Blowing Up the Bridge

I’m not here to argue with people who dismiss me. I’ve spent enough of my life justifying why my experiences matter. But here’s what I am doing:

🚀 Reminding myself that my progress isn’t erased by one bad comment.
🚀 Refusing to let someone else’s dismissal redefine my experience.
🚀 Climbing the damn ladder anyway.

If you’ve ever felt knocked down like this, you’re not alone. And if you’ve ever caught yourself minimizing someone else’s struggles, take a second look.

Maybe what they need isn’t a reality check—it’s validation.

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Let’s talk: Have you dealt with dismissive parenting? Have you felt invalidated in your ADHD journey? Drop a comment—I’d love to hear from you all.

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by

Justin B - Mar 18, 2025
in ADHD, Adhd and Mental Health, avoidance humor, Mental Health Stories, moden childhood, neurodiversity, parenting, Personal experiences and life lessons, personal struggle, Productivity and Executive function

#ADHD #Parenting #EmotionalValidation #DismissiveParenting #NeurodivergentLife