The summer stumble

20190312_141357-01

This what years of collecting bathing suits looks like. One piece, two piece, maternity, pre baby and post baby. All the suits for the many ways my body has changed in the past fifteen years or so.

When it’s March break and you think it’s a great idea to take your kids to a water park and you pack up their bathing suits from last year, that still fit, then remember that you too will need one…the struggle begins. I went down to our deep dark dungeon of an unfinished basement full of totes, christmas decorations and a few decaying mice to dig through to find these colourful body shaming articles of polyester, nylon and spandex. I have a lot so I was bound to find a suitable match for our day trip to the water park….right? I carry them all up, lay them out on the bed and begin to try them on. One after another i flung them off …too big, too small, not nearly enough coverage for my Mom bod. I found one that was decent. One that covered my sagging csection belly courtesy of 4 children, one that held up my gravity induced breasts, courtesy of 4 breast-fed children, one that I didn’t completely hate my self in and even that ONE didn’t make me feel comfortable. As I write this I know there are people saying that I worked hard, that I’ve come along away. Be proud of the body you are in because you carried 4 beautiful amazing healthy babes inside of it…BUT no one can say a thing to make you feel better when you can’t get past how your body has changed in what seems like a short period of time. I am in the best shape of my life right now, I have a¬†ways to go but I have never felt better. So why can’t I look at my not so tight tummy and think “yeah! 4 babies and I look damn good!” because that’s not how it works. We are told everyday in life and social media to empower women, to embrace the curves, embrace the stretch marks and saggy boobs. Easier said than done, I say! There has to be away around it, to get out of your own head and see the positives. To not be afraid if what others with think. Do they know I had babies? thats why I have this belly you know… Why are we all struggling to make sure others are content with our bodies when in reality all that matters is your own happiness.

Maybe it depends on the day…Maybe I’ll try again tomorrow and hope that my confidence levels and zero care attitude are at an all time high, maybe tomorrow is the day I am happy in the skin I’m in! …and if not, we’ll try again the next day.